Episode number: S02E03
Episode title: Gonna Getcha Good
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Gayness: 
3/5
Today’s episode starts with Waverly doing a cheerleader dance for Officer Haught, apparently without her underwear. The show has discovered slow-motion for itself in this season and is making use of it as much as possible. More importantly, though, Officer Haught has cut her hair. Sad.
The big evil of the episode is Burlap Man, a fella with a burlap sack with insects on it for a head. He grants wishes and then demands a pound of flesh for it 10 years later, and don’t you know it, they never take the pound you might be able to spare – a beer belly or a pound of bum fat or whatever. No, he takes livers, apparently, and it’s pretty gross.
Jeremy makes a brief appearance so we don’t forget he’s still around, but he’s a bit underused. Wynonna doesn’t seem to like him much and nobody else is there to interact with him.
Wynonna gets asked out by a guy who’s on the Forbes list and who is milking a dead rabbit for blood, and Waverly eats her lipstick. This is relevant because Waverly later doesn’t remember what happened to it. I suppose it makes sense that she doesn’t remember all the creepy things she does when her eyes go black.
We’re also introduced to the Gardners, they’re Mercedes’ sister and brother Beth and Tucker and they’re entirely unlikeable. Tucker films up some girls’ skirts with his phone, and when Nicole arrests him, he gets off because he’s a Gardner. (Poor ol’ Nicole thought he was actually a gardener by profession, which is funny, but at the same time it makes me wonder how long she’s been working in Purgatory and how come she doesn’t know them.)
Wynonna runs into Burlap Man and instead of shooting him with her Peacemaker, she waits around until he escapes. Why does she always do that? She also retrieves the big ice hockey trophy by beating up people.
Doc’s lady-friend Rosita is working hard in his basement. Turns out she’s making neither moonshine nor meth but reverse-engineering Dolls’ lizard suppressants. What a selfless guy. Rosita has an advanced degree in biochemistry. I love that. And while Doc goes on about how Dolls would be an idiot to come back to Purgatory, Dolls has come back to Purgatory to crawl about in the Earp shed – only to find a mental Waverly there hoarding metal things like a bowerbird. To be fair, she couldn’t much help him anyway without any serum, except give him a hug and a Horlicks.
Other than that, we find out that Nicole was handpicked by Nedley to one day become his successor, and she’s also trying to get out of having to wear a uniform to work. First the French braid goes, now the uniform? What is this show doing to me!
And lastly, Mercedes tells her brother and sister that nobody likes them and they should behave and not sue anyone, and she gets speedily murdered by the creepy black shadows from last episode. No! I liked you, Mercedes.
Stray thoughts from the wife
- Noooo, Nicole, why did you cut your hair? RIP lovely French braid.
- OK, call me a prude, but not wearing underwear with such a short outfit is…whoa. And I would be hiding under a rock for weeks if any family member ever caught me like that.
- Apparently the main effect of being possessed by Evil Black Goo is developing an appetite for really weird shit.
- Mercedes is back and continues to be excellent! Yay! Look at her put her plonker of a brother in place! She’s gonna be a great pal for W… Ah, goddamnit.
- So we get a new antagonist in this Tucker fellow. Not exactly going for subtlety with this one, are they? And I thought Bobo was bad.
- I think Wynonna would have more success as a demon-hunter if she shot them as soon as she got them in her sights. But I suppose you have to give them a chance to make their peace, right?
- Should we be celebrating that Wynonna physically assaulted some people…?
- “Boobs McSeltzer” though *snigger*
- All right, Nicole for sheriff! Still, sort of by-the-by because I have no beef with Nicole the way she is or Katherine Barrell, but wouldn’t she have been a perfect character for some racial diversity? She’s from out of town, so she could have had pretty much any background. It’s a slight shame she’s another white girl.
- This Perry guy kind of went nowhere. I suppose we’re meant to understand that even though she should have been into him, Wynonna was too preoccupied with Dolls to date anyone else.
- Speaking of Dolls, maybe the manure’s finally hit the fan with Waverly??? I hope so.
- And lastly, NOOOOOOO! Don’t you dare take Officer Haught out of her beautiful uniform!!! Don’t these people understand lesbians at all?!
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